Unrelated Content

(And parenthetical reviews thereof.)

Asterix at the Olympic Games (It’s the same as Sonic or Mario at the Olympics, only with ASTERIX and also OBELIX.)

Asterix & Obelix: XXL2 (What next, Europe? Tintin games? (PLZ?!))

Baby Pals (God. You wipe the poo off the baby, then you have to apply a poultice to its rashes. It’s terrible.)

Bomberman (Bomberman is the best and hardest game ever. It took me 3 months to get past the save point at level 6, but that’s mostly because I am a fucking fruitcake.)

Bomberman Land Touch! (Not fun. Do not let the exclamation point fool you. The first 5 minutes of the game, which is how much I played total, is very horrible.)

Bratz Ponies (Well, I would rather blowdry the ponies’ stupid highlighted hair than search endlessly for beads, or whatever the stupid fucking main goal here is.)

(moar)

Continue reading ‘The DS Games Currently on My Cyclo’ »

But only when you play it on the DS.

When we played on the 360, it was pretty much 45 minutes of the guy I was in charge of falling off cliffs while Travis’s guy (always Indie, which is sexist, which I hate) was off way on the right side of the screen collecting coins.

This is actually exactly how Lego Star Wars went, too.

Both titles really work better, and are way more fun, on the DS, which is about enough to make your brain explode. Yeah, the music and graphics aren’t as good as they are for the 360, but guess what? The “fun” of getting to play as Belloq is trumped by the “fun” of stupid two-player layout and constant “wait, where are you?” Maybe this is because I am not good at video games (which is a lie, I am awesome) but mostly I think it’s just cruddy design. I can’t really reference a good local multiplayer setup, because they don’t really exist, though I have high hopes for Fable 2: The Fabling.

So, in short, I highly recommend the current Lego titles for the DS, but not for the 360 (though if you do get them, you will be really excited at how much you get a week later when you trade it in, because you get like $30 back.)

Cooking Mama 2: Dinner with Friends for the DS is, more or less, the most amazing game in the history of the world.

I didn’t play the first one, because I’m an adult woman who would rather rub fiberglass insulation into her eyes than watch anything anime-related, because, c’mon.

But this game is really awesome, especially when you consider that it is a stupid fucking game. It’s a directions-followen gaem, and made for casual gamers, which I’m calling a little bit of bullshit on, because I’ve played it for like 8 hours solid and am nowhere near being tired of it. Plus Mama talks and it’s outrageously funny. In the words of IGN.com, she sounds exactly “like a Japanese person trying to speak English with an Italian accent.”

I’m not going to spoil anything for you by telling you that the number of dishes that will make you go “Oh, yum, I totally want to nom that” is far exceeded by the number of dishes that will make you go, “Oh, barf, are you serious that people really eat that?!”

Overall, this is clearly a better game than Bioshock and Oblivion combined times twelve.

Nintendo is for little children. This applies to everything ever about Nintendo, but especially to the DS. Even though I am not a little child, and am in fact 7 short years from guaranteed mongoloid baby having, I like to play my DS. What I don’t like is the limited selection of games for adult people who are also exactly like me.

Here are my very favorite games:

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney- This was a really excellent game. I liked it a way lot, and was sad when it was done. Some of it was boring and frustrating, but mostly it was pretty great.

Professor Layton and the Curious Village- I blew through this game in like, a week or something, because I am so smart. It was awesome, except for when I felt like I’m too stupid to live because I can’t figure out which way to turn the goddamned matchstick.

LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga- This game is awesome, and I am currently playing the shit out of it. Even though we have this for the 360, it’s still really fun, because, though it’s sorta the same game, it’s not at all. I also like that I don’t have to use the stylus at all.

That’s it, though. Out of all the games I’ve played, those 3 are the only ones worth paying full price for. Now, quickie reviews of a lot of DS games I’ve played, after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Awesome DS Games for People Exactly Like Me’ »

Yeah, so I still play Pokeymans on my DS. Right out in public. POKEYMANS DIAMOND OBV.

But at some point, and for me this point has come mere months prior to my 28th birthday, you gotta stop playing Pokeymans in public.

So I bought the New York Times Crossword game, and I play that now. It’s pretty fun, actually, tho the lolz are way limited.

MY ESOTERIC WORDS: LET ME SHOW YOU THEM doesn’t roll off the tongue so much.

Also, bc Travis has all sorts of latepasses and slowpokiness, I should tell you, bc this is clearly where you get your cutting edge, up-to-date news, that Spider-Man has been retconned into stupidville, and isn’t married and never was married, but nothing else is different, and dumb old Aunt May isn’t dead yet wtf, and also the “devil” was involved. Also Harry’s alive again. All in one issue! How can this be?

That’s how.

I swear to god I bought this game BEFORE seeing this video.

J/k lol I don’t believe in god.

suicide averted for at least another year
wish I was kidding (about the suicide, not the game…the game will be made of win)