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CLEANING TIPS:
White distilled vinegar works fucking awesome for cleaning stuff. Plus it makes you really want to have some fries at the boardwalk.

Don’t listen to your mom. Bleach is probably the best thing for cleaning anything. It will destroy stains, smells, and, sometimes, the thing you’re trying to clean. But it’s not like you own anything of any worth anyhow.

A 50/50 mix of ammonia and bleach is the number one best thing for cleaning tough stains. Sure, it will probably kill you, or destroy all of your lung tissue, but it is really amazing for cleaning dirty venetian blinds or your hands after you cut garlic.

Mr. Clean’s Magic Erasers are another staple for a basic cleaning supply kit. You just scrub them on stuff, and poof- it’s clean. Scuff-marks, paint marks, stains from red Kool-Aid that you spilled all over the counter then forgot about- they disappear like magic with Mr. Clean’s Magic Erasers. I think they’re just really fine-grit sandpaper, but I don’t care if they’re made out of poop, that’s how well they work.

You know how you’re supposed to sort your clothes by color before you wash them? Yeah, well, it’s a lie. It doesn’t matter. Your whites are going to look like shit soon anyhow, so why not save yourself a few minutes and just throw all your laundry in together like a normal person? Who are you trying to impress here?

Fuck brooms. Just vacuum everything. Just turn of the rolly-bar thing when you’re not on carpet, or you’ll burn a huge hole right in the vinyl tiles. Also it can chip stone flooring, but who am I kidding? You don’t have stone flooring.

ORGANIZING TIPS:
Keep shit off your closet floor, so you can throw all your mess from everywhere in there nice and easy. If your closet floors are the only thing you keep clean, you’ll be in good shape in the unlikely event that you have company or a girl coming over. A dust ruffle on the bed helps, too, so you can shove shit right under there. Though, if you have a dust ruffle on your bed, don’t expect so many girls to be coming over. Unless you are a nana. If you are a nana, you already know all this, probably.

Get a lot of those little brass hooks, and screw them in the walls all over your place. Even if you don’t have anything to hang up right then, you’ll be prepared in the event that you do.

Throw away every pair of socks you own, and then go out and buy 2 dozen of the same white ones, and 1 dozen of the same black ones. It makes life a whole lot easier.

If you don’t have enough space to store clothes, stop buying clothes. Easy. If you buy a new shirt, you should throw out an old one. Plus, you’re not going to wear hardly any of the clothes you own. Really. I bet you’ve worn that shirt you have on a zillion times. And that red one? Once. You thought, oh, this is cute, I’ll wear this all the time. But you were wrong.