all this damn eating and i haven’t shared a single morsel with you. how do you feel? hungry? enraged? indignant? well tough titties, my friends, you’re going to soldier through this.
i’ve been on a soup dumpling kick as of late, though these damn things are dangerous if you don’t learn to eat them properly. step one: lift one out of the bamboo steamer as gently as possible and gently place onto your soup spoon. take a very, very, gentle hesitant nibble unless you want to blind yourself or anyone within a five foot radius. we’re talking hot broth and pork, people! now, remember what your grandmother taught you about not slurping? well throw all that fucking manner out the window and make as much noise as you can, sucking out the broth and trying not to singe your tongue. when you reach the morsel of pork, eat that, and then savor the delicate layer of the wrapper, so gentle, so doughy yet so pliant. kind of like a real doll, but edible.
oh, the downside of these things is that they make you fart like the dickens so either go to a loud bar afterwards or just blame it on the cats. you know what i do? the old rodney dangerfield routine: “did somebody step on a duck?!”
