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Travis got way more worked up about this than I did, because he is a man, thus doesn’t spend 88% of his day wondering how he might legally acquire a tapeworm. I was all, “Yeah? Fat girls need fat cream. *I* need fat cream! I need to rub cream on my fat!!!”

Then I calmed down and ate a whole thing of Haagen Dazs Reserve (motto: “When Super-Premium Just Isn’t Enough”) Toasted Coconut Seasame Brittle ice cream, which is the very best kind of fat cream.

(Insert here a rant about how even the thinnest woman can have cellulite, how we’re all offended at the massive marketing misogyny, how we should start a revolution and love our bodies, etc etc etc. I really don’t care anymore, because I’m thinking about ice cream now, and how it’s my birthday week, so I can eat all the cupcakes and ice cream I want. And also how I might buy Cooking Mama 2.)

Re. ‘02 Kentucky Derby winning stallion, War Emblem:

“War Emblem is in therapy. He is isolated from the other studs at Shadai Stallion Station in the hope that he will feel safe and more confident in his sexuality.”

“In nearly five and a half years of contact with hundreds of mares, War Emblem, now 9, has managed to mate with only 70 of them, which is half of most stallions’ yearly output.”

“…the last time it was confirmed that he ejaculated in the company of a mare was in 2006. He did it once.”

““It’s very abnormal to have no sexual interest in mares,” said Anne Peters, the matings adviser at Three Chimneys in Midway, Ky.”

“(said) Dr. Sue McDonnell, a specialist in equine sexual behavior at the University of Pennsylvania’s New Bolton Center… “By separating him from other stallions, he has a chance to become more confident, and the mares around him are so he gets revved up.”"

“Replied Mr. Emblem, when asked what his favorite food is, “Haaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaay!”"

I talk about gay horses ALL the time, but I don’t get front-page bylines (in the sports section, but still) in papers of record hardly ever.

Nintendo is for little children. This applies to everything ever about Nintendo, but especially to the DS. Even though I am not a little child, and am in fact 7 short years from guaranteed mongoloid baby having, I like to play my DS. What I don’t like is the limited selection of games for adult people who are also exactly like me.

Here are my very favorite games:

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney- This was a really excellent game. I liked it a way lot, and was sad when it was done. Some of it was boring and frustrating, but mostly it was pretty great.

Professor Layton and the Curious Village- I blew through this game in like, a week or something, because I am so smart. It was awesome, except for when I felt like I’m too stupid to live because I can’t figure out which way to turn the goddamned matchstick.

LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga- This game is awesome, and I am currently playing the shit out of it. Even though we have this for the 360, it’s still really fun, because, though it’s sorta the same game, it’s not at all. I also like that I don’t have to use the stylus at all.

That’s it, though. Out of all the games I’ve played, those 3 are the only ones worth paying full price for. Now, quickie reviews of a lot of DS games I’ve played, after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Awesome DS Games for People Exactly Like Me’ »

h/t Cupcakes take the Cake

I don’t know what infuriates me more: that Hillary is flat-out campaigning for McCain now, or that the government has been illegally paying military guys to lie on TV about the awesomeness of the war since ‘02.

Here is a direct quote from the manic egomaniac:

“I think you’ll be able to imagine many things Senator McCain will be able to say. He’s never been the president, but he will put forth his lifetime of experience. I will put forth my lifetime of experience. Senator Obama will put forth a speech he made in 2002.”

Seriously. Seriously?

It really doesn’t matter, I think, which is a more vomity thing. If she steals the nomination, Denver will surely burn, and two of your favorite bloggers will be driving down ole Me-he-co way but for good. No me gusta esto, y no sé que hacer más.

100%.

Makeup gives you cancer, shampoo causes infertility, and lotion makes your baby’s brain stupid(er). Also your baby’s toys and bottle (really? You’re bottle-feeding? Okay, it’s your money you’re throwing away.) will poison the fuck out of it.

This is pretty fucked up, especially because EU countries have outlawed cosmetics and personal care products that contain phthalates. You can tell how bad phthalates are for you by how weird the word itself is spelled.

Cool, huh?

and if it makes me the worst personal assistant of sorts, but I absolutely refuse to iron my boss’s husband’s boxer shorts.

I mean, really. Can we think of something more degrading to ask of a domestic employee than to iron our underwear?

Gross.

Here’s a sweet little baby bunny to make us all feel better about our horrible lives.

Soooo, Erica! J!o!n!g!, the stalwart, brave, outspoken feminist she is, thinks old-lady-arm-flab is a “body deformity.”

You know what a body deformity is? When, instead of having just one face, you have two faces, like that awesome baby from India. That’s deformed.

Old-lady-arm-flab is natural and gross.

Plus also read Taibbi’s (Matt, not Mike) response to her accusations of Nazism and KKKism. He’s clearly the winner.

Are you, too, a Hitler? View this simple and super logical chart to find out!

Erica Jong!, who knows that you are sexist if you aren’t a Hillary supporter, can’t tell the difference between these two people (who happen not to be awesome women, and therefore are probably sexist):

In reference to this piece, she rants:

I have been stunned by it — especially the random physical put-downs that are everywhere. Mike Taibbi refers to “flabby arms” in his latest Hillary obit. Who cares? I want to ask. But apparently Mr. Taibbi does. (And how would he know? Hillary is always encased in a blazer).

Now yes, they are father and son, but I tend not to confuse a network news correspondent with a dude who writes for Rolling Stone. Perhaps it is because of how sexist I am.

Oh, btw Matt can tell that Hillary’s arms are flabby because, regardless of her gender, she is gettin’ kinda fat.

this just in:

The Taibbi thing has been settled, as she corrected and (gasp) CITED the Matt Taibi article.

Meanwhile she says this (h/t the commentarz):

Perhaps this is possible in Pakistan and India with their myriad female deities who embody the mother as creator and as destroyer.

O Rly? 

Census data^[2] indicates that over 97% of the population are Muslims.

So there is that.

Erica! Jongggggg!